This is How You Will Heal

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My love.

This is how you will heal:

In the beginning, you will feel like a knife has been jammed into your heart. You will feel that knife every time you move and that will make you want to stay in bed forever.

Eventually, you will have to get up and you will have to function. And as you start to function, the knife will disappear slowly. It will take time but one day, you will remember that knife and realise that it’s actually been gone for a while now and you just haven’t noticed.

You will blame yourself. Oh God will you blame yourself. Even if it was clearly nothing you did, babe you will blame yourself. You will find fault in everything you did. Did you love too hard? Were you too available? Did you give him the wrong signals?

Eventually, you will become more rational. As the hurt clears, you will see things clearer and you will see that nothing could have prevented the inevitable. In fact, you’re probably better off without someone who would have a problem  just because you know what you want.

You will want to stalk him on all his social media. It’s probably the worst thing you could do to yourself but sometimes we just have to let ourselves do it. So go ahead and check up on him as many times a day as you need.

Eventually, you’ll go from checking his profile 10 times a day to 8 and then to 4 and finally you’ll wonder why on earth you ever bothered to invest time in tracking his every move when he is no longer important to you.

If you have not unfollowed each other, you are going to spend ages analysing why he still likes your pictures and watches your snaps. Eventually, the jolt you get every time you see his name in your notifications will fade to a bump and eventually, you will no longer feel anything. Eventually, he will just become one of those irrelevant free likes. Trust me. It will happen.

You will want to listen to all the music that reminds you of him because it will make you feel closer to him. Forget how bad it makes you feel. You need to feel him even if it is only through music. Okay. Listen to the songs.

Eventually, you will realise that all this does is put you in a funk and you will make the decision to put on a happy song and dance around in your room with wet hair and you will be so incredibly happy that you will wonder why you ever sacrificed your happiness just to preserve a memory with him.

You will feel lonely. You will look at other couples and you will be jealous.  You will want what they have and that’s not wrong but it’s not going to help you. Doing that only leads to rebounds and that’s not fair to anyone.

One day, you will realise that you have settled unintentionally into your single hood and that’s when you will be ready to find someone else and to be happy with them.

So my darling, this is how you will heal. You will go through the pain but you will come through on the other side. Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now, know that there is an end to your tunnel. Pain is inevitable. Sometimes you just have to ride it out. Know that I am rooting for you.

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